Control

For the past four months through some 500 diaper changes, I've not received a single baby boy shower. Well maybe one or two. Cold air, warm air, extended time in his birthday suit... none of it had driven Sawyer to pee out in the open. Until recently.

In the last few weeks he seems to have lost control! Nearly every time I open up a diaper, barely seconds transpire before the fountain is switched on and unleashed. Sometimes short bursts, sometimes a flow that could rival my best and have me reaching for towels to swap one after another. What happened to my son who would squirm, fight, scream, play, and crawl away, but never water the house during a diaper change? Is he early to become a middle-aged man and do I need to search the internet for those commercials that ask, "Do you have a going problem?"

I had wondered all this and more, before yesterday.

In a moment of clarity, just 24 hours ago, it struck me: Sawyer had not lost control, he'd gained it!

He was lying on the table and I'd just opened his diaper. I pulled the front down a few inches. That instant a short surge of urine shot straight up in the air and gave me the ever-stylish wet-hair look. Immediately my son bellowed out in laughter. I thought to myself, "he always laughs when he pees on me." But I noticed something this time. His laugh was immediate, and deep. Almost like it was anticipatory. He'd been waiting for this moment! I had instinctively covered him back up, and I went back to the business at hand. I pulled the diaper down, waited, nothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his grin... but either I thought it was residual from the earlier laughter, or I simply processed it too late. As I removed the old diaper altogether, the flow started up again. This time not a short burst, but a long continued flow that could have washed away mountain villages and made even Noah nervous. I grabbed wipes, extra clothes, towels, everything in arm's reach. From my chest outward I was soaked like I'd been bobbing for apples, and sure enough, Sawyer had been laughing hysterically since the beginning.

No, no, this was no loss of control. He had everything under control and was quite pleased with himself.

Behavior noted, my son is a baby no more. It's time to make some changes...

Anyone have a towel?